


A Clash of Darkness

by Thotful_writing



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Choking, Explicit Language, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2019-09-19 22:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17010768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thotful_writing/pseuds/Thotful_writing
Summary: You were hand-picked by Supreme Leader Snoke to begin training in the ways of the force and the Dark Side, to fight against the Resistance with the First Order. After training and completing a few missions, Snoke orders you to join him on the Finalizer to complete your training with his other apprentice, Kylo Ren. The Commander of the First Order is not exactly welcoming to you and makes things more complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New Star Wars fic, came to me in a dream so obviously I had to elaborate on it. There is not any smut in this currently, but with my fic history, I'd expect some in later chapters. As always, thank you for reading, even if you didn't like it, I'm still thankful you took the time to read it. Please leave comments or kudos if you'd like.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, tucking your hair behind your ear and then untucking it for about the hundredth time, putting it up and pulling it back down. You couldn’t decide on what looked best, you were so nervous, Supreme Leader Snoke was bringing you aboard the Finalizer to prepare for the fight against the Resistance. You looked at your reflection, thinking about everything that had led you to this moment, the people you've hurt and killed. You barely recognized yourself anymore, the moment Snoke called to you, pulled you to the Dark Side, you were different, more ruthless. You weren't exceptionally strong in the ways of the force, but you had drive, focus, and if you were honest, easily bent to the will of those more powerful than you, all things Snoke needed in an apprentice. You had been under Snoke’s training for a while now, he had sent you on smaller missions of securing remote areas for the First Order, you received your orders and carried them out without hesitation. After a few trial runs, Snoke sent word that you were to join him and his other apprentice, Kylo Ren, to complete your training. Your fingers traced a faint scar on your neck as you stared at your reflection, a memory of your training, your commitment to the Dark Side began to waiver, Snoke sensed it and quickly brought you back, though it wasn't the only mark he had left on you, it was the most noticeable. You called it 'anxiety' he called it weakness. One day your anxiety had started to creep into your mind, taking over, filling you with doubts, Snoke used the force to control your arm and held your lightsaber impossibly close to your skin, letting it burn you. You screamed in pain as he held it there, burning your skin. He went on to say that an enemy can sense your weakness and use it to their advantage, finally releasing you. Your ship finally docked on the Finalizer, General Hux waited outside to greet you. You pushed aside your thoughts and put your hair up, composing yourself. You had formed a friendship with Hux over time, he often accompanied Snoke when he trained you, and provided information on the locations you’d be going to, and offering you advice on different matters. Though he was usually stern and precise, you had grown to consider him an ally.

“You didn’t have to wait for me, Hux. I would have found my way eventually.” You stepped out of the doorway, a faint smile on your face.

“I’m sure you would have, but we can’t have you wandering the ship and getting yourself into trouble on your first day.” 

“True. So, what can you tell me about Kylo?” You followed Hux outside the hangar, down a long corridor.

“He’s arrogant, moody, conceited-“

“Oh, so you two are best friends then?” You laughed.

“I’d watch yourself with him, he isn’t too fond of sharing the spotlight and since he heard about you, well, let’s just say he’s been even more unbearable.”

You stood beside him in the turbolift. You felt a familiar knot forming in your stomach, your anxiety always seemed to get the best of you during uncertain times, filling your mind with doubts and worry. The reminder of the pain you felt from the lightsaber quickly pulled you from your thoughts. You took a deep breath and tried to calm your mind, the turbolift came to a halt, doors opening. 

“This is where I leave you.” Hux motioned for you to exit.

“Wait, you’re not coming with me?” A panicked expression covered your face.

“I do have other things to attend to. I’ll meet you on Deck 3 when you're finished.” 

You stepped out of the lift, turning and giving a slight smile to Hux, and walked down a long hallway, your mind began to wander, if this was the right path, the right choice, your steps had slowed, but before you knew it you were facing two doors, which opened as you approached. You entered a vast room, Snoke at the far end, sitting in a throne-type chair, a man with broad shoulders knelt in the floor in front of him, you continued to make your way across the room, making sure to force out any uncertainty.

“Supreme Leader.” You knelt, bowing your head.

“Stand my young apprentices. This is the Commander of the First Order, Kylo Ren.” You stood as he motioned toward the man next to you.

“Hello.” You stared up at him, he didn't look at you, not even a glance.

“I don’t see why you brought her here, I am more than capable-“

“She is here because I wanted her to be. We have discussed this enough Ren.” Snoke silenced him, he wanted to say more, but knew better than to continue. 

“Your work will begin tomorrow. You may leave.” Snoke ordered, not leaving you room to say anything. 

Kylo turned and headed towards the doors, you followed suit. You noticed the way he walked held so much power, you wondered if you exuded power or weakness when you walked. You entered the lift beside him, taking small glances over at him, he was handsome, in a brooding condescending way.

“Stop.”

“What?” 

“Staring at me.”

“Oh. Sorry.” You were glad Snoke had taught you how to mask your thoughts from others, you didn’t want to give him the upper hand by thinking you were attracted to him, though you were, he didn’t need to know that.

“I’ll never understand why Snoke brought you here. You’re weak, you're nothing, I’ll be rid of you soon enough.” His comment stung, he still refused to look at you.

Before you could defend yourself, the turbolift stopped, and he stepped out, leaving you in silence. You stepped out as well, Deck 3 is where Hux told you to meet him, but you didn't see him anywhere. Kylo turned to look at you, finally, his gaze bore into you, unwavering. You felt self-conscious under his gaze, but you couldn't tear your eyes away from his, it felt like you had been standing there for hours, just staring at each other in silence.

“I-I’m-“ You attempted to say something, anything to break the dead silence. 

“I see you found your way. Come with me.” Hux rescued you from Kylo’s overwhelming gaze, motioning you to follow him.

You turned to follow Hux, turning to look at Kylo one last time, he was still standing there, eyes fixed on you as you walked. You couldn't help but wonder what all that was about, why he was staring at you so intensely. Hux stopped at a door just down the hall, motioning for you to enter. The room was nice, not huge, but you didn’t have much with you anyways, and you planned to spend most of your time training. 

“How was your first encounter with the Commander?” Hux stood at the door, arms behind his back.

“He- he’s very intense and dedicated to the cause.” 

“Just be careful around him. I’ll let you get settled, if you need anything let me know.” Hux turned and left the room.

You walked around your room, looking at everything you had at your disposal. You wondered if this was the uniform design for all the rooms, or if Kylo’s looked different, he is the Commander of the First Order, surely his quarters are more updated. You couldn’t believe you were finally here, Snoke had been training you for a while and always talked about you joining him on the ship, but you didn’t think that day would ever come, now that it had you weren't sure if this is where you needed to be. Doubts had been flooding your mind since you stepped off your ship, but you were here and needed to focus. You removed your clothes, pulled on a large shirt, and laid in the bed, wondering what training with Kylo would be like and if you were ready, you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

“Look at you, so weak, you’re nothing. I could snap your neck in an instant, ending you where you stand.”

“K-Kylo…” You felt your throat closing in.

“Then again, maybe I’ll keep you alive, use you for training until I’m bored.” The force around your throat tightened.

Suddenly you sat up in your bed in a panic, clutching your throat, breathing heavy, and drenched in sweat. What the fuck was that? You swore you could feel Kylo’s grip around your neck. You knew you wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, not after a dream like that. You decided you’d start training early, you threw on some clothes and used the interface to find the sparring room. The room was large, dark, mostly empty aside from a few mats and weights. You stretched a little and decided to begin by clearing your mind, your anxiety plus the dream had caused you more doubts and uncertainty. You sat down in the floor and steadied your breathing, in through your mouth, holding it for a few seconds, and letting it out through your nose. You were too focused on your breathing to hear anyone enter the room. 

“Bad dream?” You heard a familiar voice behind you.

You opened your eyes immediately to see Kylo standing there, “What? No. Why do you ask?”

“It’s the middle of the night and you’re here.”

“I wanted to start training early. Plus, you’re here, does that mean you had a bad dream?”

Kylo ignored your comment and began stretching, he bent over reaching for his feet, you couldn’t help but notice the muscles in his shoulders and arms. He glanced over at you, you quickly averted your eyes, looking elsewhere, anywhere. He continued stretching and you closed your eyes again, steadying your breathing and clearing your mind. Breathing in through your mouth, holding your breath for a few seconds, and letting it out through your nose. You opened one eye, to see what Kylo was doing, to your surprise he was sitting directly in front of you, matching your breathing, his eyes weren't closed, instead they were fixed on you. After a few minutes you decided you were ready to spar, to see what all the fuss was about with him. 

“Ready to train?” You stood up, semi-confident in your abilities.

“This shouldn’t take too long, then I can get back to real training.” 

You brought your hands up, staying on your tip toes in order to move quickly. Kylo watched your movements as you bounced, he just stood there, not protecting himself from you or bringing his hands up. You lunged forward, trying to land a hit on him, but he moved out of the way, grabbing your fist and pushing it aside. He was studying your every move as you circled him. You decided to throw him off, throwing a punch with your left hand, which he expected and quickly blocked, but he didn’t expect the kick you gave him in his ribs, which threw him off balance. You looked up at him and smirked, but he wasn’t amused with you, he was growing tired of you already and wanted you gone. Before you could move he had punch you in the side of the head, then taking one hand and using the force to choke you.

“You should leave before you get hurt.” He released his hold on you shortly after.

“I’m not worried, and I didn’t know we were using the force in this sparring match.” You rubbed your hand over your throat, this is exactly what it felt like in your dream.

He wasn't taking you seriously, he was toying with you, you decided you wanted to show him what power you really held. You dropped your arms down by your side, closed your eyes and focused your energy on Kylo, you knew he was a lot stronger than you, physically and in the ways of the force, but you had to try. Kylo tried to lunge at you but he was stopped, you held his feet firm on the ground, binding his arms down by his side, he was unable to move. He looked at you surprised, he didn't expect you to be able to immobilize him so easily. You opened your eyes and walked over to him, inches from his face.

“Maybe you should leave, before you get hurt.” As soon as the words left your lips you hit Kylo in the stomach, with everything you had left you used the force to send him flying across the room and into the wall.

Kylo hit hard and landed on the floor, it didn’t take him long to stand though, you knew he’d be mad, but you could feel the anger surging through him, radiating from his body, his eyes fixed on you as he strode over. You were caught off guard by how quickly he stabilized from the hit. He finally made it over to you, Kylo’s large frame towering over you, his breathing erratic, his eyes burning a hole in your own with his stare, you could feel the intense heat coming from him. Without a warning he raised one hand, using the force to choke you again, this time tighter, before he sent a wave of energy straight to your stomach, knocking the wind out of you, sending you across the room to the floor. You laid on the floor, trying to catch your breath but the grip on your throat wouldn’t relent. You tried everything to take control of his body again, trying to stop him, but you couldn't, still struggling to breathe, Kylo strode over to you, knelt down beside you as you writhed, grasping at your throat.

“I could let you die here and now. Watch you gasp for air until the last bit of life leaves your body.” His voice was low and cold, he stared at you like you were some strange being on the floor in front of him, something he had never seen before.

Your eyes went wide, your face turning red, "K-K..." You tried to speak but nothing but syllables came out. 

Kylo stared at you for another moment before standing and leaving the room, as soon as he was out the door the force around your throat ceased, you breathed in deep, coughing. Your heart pounded, the color finally coming back to your face. You sat up looking at the door, waiting for him to return, but he didn't. Hux was right, you need to be careful around Kylo, he was dangerous. A part of you couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t just let you die, he easily could have and then he would have been rid of you. Once you caught your breath you stood and made your way back to your quarters.

“You had an early start.” Hux approached from behind you.

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep.” Your voice was hoarse, you turned to look at him.

“Wh-What happened to your neck?” He looked over the bruises already forming.

“Oh, just a souvenir from my first training session with Kylo.” You tilted your head back, giving him a better look.

“You need to go to the med bay and get this looked at.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m sure he has a few bruises and scrapes too. Hitting a wall that hard had to make a mark.” You smiled at Hux as he continued to stare at your neck.

“I’m still not sure why Snoke wants you two to train together, from the looks of it one of you will be dead before any fighting starts with the Resistance.” With that Hux took his leave, letting you go to your room.

You decided to take a bath and try to soothe your wounds. You sunk down into the warm water, letting it engulf you, the water line lapping at your chest. You laid your head back and closed your eyes, trying once more to gain control over the knot of anxiety you felt forming in your stomach. You still weren’t sure why Kylo let you live, you knew you had to continue training with him, but weren’t sure if next time he would release your throat. Once you had finished your bath you dressed and went to meet with Supreme Leader Snoke.

“Supreme leader.” You knelt and bowed your head.

“I see you have been training already.” He leaned forward, looking at the bruises on your neck.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” You stood and looked up at him.

“Kylo Ren’s favorite use of the force, you must have angered him to earn that.” His gaze on the mark on your neck.

“He wasn’t happy with being overpowered by me, however briefly. In fact, he isn’t happy about me being here at all.”

“The Resistance grows in size and power with each passing day, Kylo Ren is foolish to think he can bring them down on his own.”

“He's strong, much stronger than I am. He almost killed me today.”

“Good, he is already accepting you as his equal, soon he will begin training with you, adding to your own strength.” Snoke sat back in his chair.

“But he almost killed me?” You looked up at him confused.

“He let you live.”

You thought about Snoke’s words, he could have let you die, but he didn’t. You made your way back to your quarters, replaying the sparring match in your head, trying to think about how you could have countered his attack. You did stand there as he came towards you, you could have tried to defend yourself instead of standing there staring at him. You weren’t paying attention to where you were going and ran right into someone, a broad chested, angry someone.

“Watch where you’re going.” He snapped.

“I-I’m sorry. Hey, thank you for not killing me today, maybe tomorrow?” You joked, looking back at him as he walked past you.

Kylo stopped walking and turned back towards you, he stalked slowly over to where you stood. Kylo towered over you, he was much taller than you, his face unwavering, staying stern and focused on you, he stepped forward, you stepped back. He reached up and grabbed your throat with his gloved hand, the leather felt cool against your skin, you didn't protest, instead standing still, he pushed you back against the cool metal wall. He wasn’t applying enough pressure to cut off your air supply, but enough to hold you in your place. He leaned forward, his face only a few inches from your own, you could feel his hot breath on your skin.

“Maybe tomorrow.” He smirked slightly.

Kylo held his grip around your throat, his eyes shifted from yours down to your parted lips, your breathing had picked up, as had your heart rate at his proximity to you. You weren’t expecting it when he pressed his lips to yours softly, your breath hitched in your throat. He pulled back for a moment, his dark eyes burning into yours, before attacking your lips again, this time more forcefully, deepening the kiss, you felt his tongue lap at your bottom lip. You could do nothing but stand there, he wasn't using the force on you, but you literally couldn't move, possibly out of disbelief. His grip tightened around your throat before he pulled away from you completely, your lips felt cold and bare without his. He glanced at you once more, then turned and made his way down the corridor. You stayed against the wall, in shock at what just happened, you didn't realize you had been holding your breath until this moment, exhaling. You were confused at what just happened. Kylo seemed to abhor your presence there, that you were sure of, but kissing you only made things more complicated for you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in quite a while. Life got busy and then I fell into a pile of other fandoms and things just got in the way. I'm back now and I plan on doing more Star Wars fics.

"I'm not saying he's like a saint or anything, but maybe-" You sat across from Hux, determined not to tell him about the kiss, but find out if Kylo had a softer side.

"Maybe nothing. He'll sooner kill you than do you a favor. Watch yourself around him."

It wasn't that you didn't take his warning seriously, the bruises on your throat were proof that Kylo could be cruel. But the softness you felt in his kiss, the fact that he didn't kill you outright when he had the chance meant there was more to him than that cruelty.

The next few days were torture, mainly because you felt like you were going crazy about this whole thing. Conversation from Kylo was a rarity, even more so now. Brief moments of contact filled with silence. You wondered if he was trying to distance himself from you. The second he got into the turbolift you wanted to run out, but the doors closed before you had a chance. You stood there, trying your best to think of anything else and look anywhere but at him.

"It meant nothing." He spoke, startling you.

"It was nothing more than a curiosity." He spoke again.

"Of course." You placed your arms behind your back, trying to put your mind on something else again. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't shake the thought of his lips against yours, the way you wanted more.

You peered over at him, "are you still curious?" You felt the knot in your stomach return, this time something more than anxiety.

He turned to face you, towering over you as he had before. He stepped towards you but this time you stood firm. He reached up to brush his hand across your face.

"It was nothing more than a curiosity and that curiosity has been satisfied." He pulled his hand from you just as the lift stopped and the doors slid open. He stepped out without a word or glance back at you.

He seemed to know exactly how to push your buttons, but you didn't believe it was it was just curiosity, it was a moment of weakness for him and he almost had another just now. Your mind was clouded, and you decided to clear it.

Once you reached your room you sat in the middle of the room and closed your eyes, focusing your mind on no particular thought, but watching as the thoughts came and went. You steadied your breathing and let the tension in your body melt away. As you tried to clear your mind, thoughts of Kylo floated in, his lips, his hand against your cheek. You could picture him in your mind, he was pacing and striding across the room like he often did. Something was different though, you opened your eyes but you could still see him, as though he was standing in front of you. Suddenly, he stopped and stared directly at you, cocking his head to the side confused. Before you could say anything, the visual was gone, he was no longer standing in front of you.

You paced in your room, heart pounding, you had never felt like this before. Sure, you’d experienced anxiety and fear, but nothing like this. You’ve even been close to death and still never felt this way, you wanted nothing more than to run away, just hide. You racked your brain for what could have happened, what that was, but you came up short.

That night you laid down with the intentions of resting before a day of training, but your mind had other plans. As if thinking about him during the day wasn’t enough, he plagued your dreams as well. Again, he made threats on your life, his hand closing around your throat. You woke up in a panic, begging your mind to just shut off so you could sleep. You laid back down and tried again. The image that flooded your mind was of course, Kylo once more. Something was pulling you to him, you decided to follow it. You focused more on him instead of trying to fight it.

He was sleeping in his quarters, this time it wasn’t a dream. His expression was soft as his chest rose and fell slowly. You watched him for a moment and wondered if you were able to touch him. You stepped closer and reached out to him, before you could his eyes snapped open and he grabbed your wrist. He glared at you as he tried to figure out how you were there, before you could speak, again, he disappeared. You sat up in your bed and rubbed your hand over your wrist, it still felt as if he was holding you.

You didn’t sleep anymore that night, you were too afraid. You didn’t know what was happening or why, and you would rather keep your distance from Kylo for a bit. That morning you skipped going to the training room, assuming he would be there bright and early. You spent most of the day pacing and trying to find something, anything, about a physical connection through dreams. By the afternoon you were no closer to an answer than when you had started, and you were much more annoyed. Turning to Snoke would only cause him to ask questions and this was the last thing you wanted to discuss with him. You decided to get some training in before the day was over and hope Kylo had been long finished before you showed up. You made your way down to the training room and half considered turning back when you saw Kylo training, shirtless and sweating.

“I thought you’d given up.” He remarked, not turning to look at you.

“No, just had a late start this morning.” You rolled your eyes at his comment.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He responded, anxiety began to knot in your stomach.

Kylo turned around and strode over to where you were standing. You didn’t move, you weren’t sure what to expect from him.

“Sneaking into people’s rooms while they’re sleeping must be tiring.” Kylo stopped a few feet from you.

“I didn’t sneak into your room. I was sleeping and it just happened. How do I know you didn’t do something to me, you obviously like to torture me.”

“Force projection is not something I’m versed in. When did Snoke teach it to you?” He stepped closer.

“Force projection? I- He didn’t. Like I said, it just happened.”

“Lying doesn’t suit you. Keep playing your games, I’ll get it out of you one way or another.” His dark eyes bore into you before he moved passed you and left the room.

You let out a sigh of relief, you were afraid he would want to spar again, you weren’t exactly up for it due to not sleeping much last night and putting all of your energy into trying to quell your anxiety. You started to stretch, bending over, reaching for your toes, trying to loosen some of the tension in your body. You decided to get a good workout in today since you had missed this morning, you kicked and punched the training dummy, until you finally felt yourself relaxing and getting your confidence back. You were never this unsure of yourself back when you were completing missions for the First Order, you knew what you were doing and were sure of yourself. Since you had arrived on the Finalizer you have been overwhelmed with anxiety and uncertain about your choices. You trained hard for 2 hours, when you were done you were pouring sweat and breathing heavily. You decided to go back to your quarters to shower, when you turned to leave you saw Kylo standing at the door. You began to wonder how long he had been standing there. You walked towards him, but he didn’t move. You stood in front of him for what seemed like forever, waiting.

“Move out of my way.” You demanded, tired and needing a shower.

“Make me. Seems you have more strength than you let on.”

“I’m not in the mood to play with you, Kylo. I need a shower.” You crossed your arms in annoyance.

Kylo stood firm, his gaze never leaving yours. You were growing exasperated with him, you were tired of standing around. You tried to push past him, but he grabbed your hand, tightening his grip around your wrist he started walking, pushing you back against the wall. He grabbed the same wrist as last night, the feeling was all too familiar.

“Let go.” Your heart started to pound.

“Tell me how you did it and I’ll let you go.” His voice was demanding.

“I told you, I didn’t do anything.” You tried to pull your hand from him, but his grip only tightened.

He sighed, growing annoyed at your defiance, “you know I can pierce your mind, I can take it from you.”

One of Snoke’s first lessons was how to shield yourself from that, “you won’t get far.” You challenged him.

He released your wrist and immediately wrapped his hand around your throat, that same strength he used when he kissed you.

“You’re far behind in your training, you honestly think I can’t pry it from you? That I can’t peel that pretty head of yours open and take whatever I want?” Kylo leaned down, his face impossibly close to yours.

 “Kylo, please-“ You didn’t want him rooting around in your mind, knowing the things you’d been thinking about him.

Your eyes searched his, looking for some kind of hope, a small glimmer of reason within him. He remained silent and still, his grip around your throat remained. You knew what you had to do to get him to stop. You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his gently. He froze for a moment before kissing you back. His tongue moved between your parted lips and swirled with yours. He pressed his body against you and kept you in place. His hand loosened around your throat and moved lower, splaying across your chest and stopping.

He pulled back from you and stared at you through hooded eyes, now understanding why you didn’t want him searching your thoughts.

 “You’ll tell me eventually. All I have to do is wait.” He spoke close to your lips before releasing you and leaving the room.

You leaned back against the wall, still confused as to what just happened. You instinctively rubbed over your throat, hoping his grip wouldn’t leave marks again.


End file.
